Look at what is causing you grief or frustration? Sometime what we say or think keep us stuck in the past.
Sometimes you need to move away from toxic environments that keep feeding you with negative talk and behaviors. Sometimes the people that we spend time with could the biggest culprits of our pain.
Do a personal inventory of your daily activities and also your friends and family members. Some people just need to be pruned so you can bloom where you have been planted.
Can you change or control it?
Can you change the behavior and the mindset of the person who caused you the pain? I have learnt that you have no control over how people behave, but you do have control over how you react to it.
If not, then don’t stress over it.
Don’t be a volunteer victim of your thoughts. Start telling your mind to listen to the word “STOP.” When you start thinking about anything negative tell yourself to, “STOP.” This will remind you to refocus on your self-talk.
- Rubber band Snap on your wrist: When you start negative self-talking, just snap on the rubber band as a reminder that the self-talk is unproductive. The pain from the rubber band, will jolt your mind and stop the negative self-talk.
- Replace the self-limiting self-talk with questions. This is a very useful way to use self-talk. E.g., the self-talk will tell you that, “You cannot recover from the widowhood/divorcee trauma.” You would respond with a question like, “Am I the first one to lose a husband/marriage? If not then, I will do it just like the others have done it.” Usually it’s the negative response that wants to come first, but take a deep breath and respond.
- Stop using the word, “Hate” in your conversations. Using the Hate word, creates an environment conducive to negativity. Change that word to “Dislike.” Its softer on the ears and your tongue too. We say this word when we are really mad over something.
- From time to time be mindful of your thoughts. What you spend the majority of your time thinking and self-talking on, affects your daily living. Sometimes we spend lots of time solving a situation before it becomes a problem. This will create lots of anxiety, worry and all for nothing.
- Stop Body Shaming, this is the negative self-talk that you do, when you dislike your body image. “Oh, I hate these legs, oh my boobs are too small.” As women we are never satisfied with what God gave us at birth. So now since you’re a divorced or widowed, you look at yourself in the mirror and you tell yourself that no one will love you again because are ugly, or because you are too big etc. When you look at yourself in the mirror and you don’t like what you see, ask yourself how can you change it?
- You are not a tree that’s stuck in one place. If you think your lips are too thin, then remember people are paying money to get them fuller, then do that, if you can’t afford it then find other ways, I have heard some girls use bottles to vacuum their lips and they swell. There is always something you can do to improve yourself instead body shaming yourself. I call this self-destructive behavior.